garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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