The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
