forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize