Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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