If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
