census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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