We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ladies don't puke and tell
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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