I am full of burrito and curiosity
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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