i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
