Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
