I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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