I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
