why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize