You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
