She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
