dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
