Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
