We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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