I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No subtext here. People are naked.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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