it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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