Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
