im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
