Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
