the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
