This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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