This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
