You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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