im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
