you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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