If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
