Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i barfeds in our rink
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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