I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
