I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
