An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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