you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
