Kareoke will never be a sober sport
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
