i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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