I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
