just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
my poor anus
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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