We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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