This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
