I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize