You smell like stripper and shame
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
