Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
