Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
