Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
