I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize