First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
