my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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