i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
