why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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