my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
