she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
