I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
