Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
