My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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