i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize