Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
