I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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