You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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