good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
