Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
