Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize