I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
FUCK WHALES
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
