did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
