your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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