I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
