Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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