I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
