member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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