You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
