Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh god it's open bar.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
