I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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