I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
