Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize