It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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