I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
