I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
barbara walters just said penis...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize