There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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