Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
