you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
