we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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