New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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