It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
