thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
