reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
love makes seman taste better
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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