I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize