we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
