SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize