Soap is not a condiment
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
