So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
