i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
