Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
