Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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