you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
