i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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