Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Are my feet made of real feet?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
