Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
