i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
