I met the friendliest cop last night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My feet surprised me
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