Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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