The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize