She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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