i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i think i just lost a toe
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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