Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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