and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
