you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize