i just wanna soil my oats bro
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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